I wanted to run, to scream, to cry, I wanted to fight everyone. Instead all I could do was numbly watch my tiny baby in her isolette, struggling to survive.  I simultaneously wanted to smash everything in sight and sink into a hole in the ground. 

This journey has brought us to this beautiful new place in our lives that would have never existed. I have met the most amazing people; the ones who saved my son’s life, and also special ones who saved mine.

Having a sick kid takes practice. It will change you as individuals and change most of the relationships in your life. Like always, that change can be painful, but believe me when I tell you that it’s almost always necessary.

We’re normal. He’s ornery and I’m tired. The messy, imperfect, playing in public, kind of normal. We both worked hard to be here. 

So if you feel as though you will “never be the same”, you’re right. You  probably won’t. And you’re not alone in that. 

I am a glass-half-full person. Always have been. Even when faced with hardships, I’ve always thought, it’ll work out. It’ll come around. I had never had a lot of bumps in the road, until it came to my pregnancy. Hopefully, I got all my bumps at once. 

We have been through a few years of preschool and even a preschool “graduation” but there was something about watching my little peanut march proudly in his pint size cap and gown today that made me catch my breath.

It was a swift emergency C-section. Noah was 32 weeks gestation, and weighed only 2 lbs. The first moment I laid eyes on him, was through the small plexiglass porthole of his isolette. Although there were no signs of Zika, It was determined that Noah had not grown since 26 weeks gestation, as the result of severe Intrauterine Growth Restriction (IUGR). If it had not been for that random ultrasound, we never would have known and would likely have lost Noah within another 24 hours at most. There will never be an answer or explanation as to why this happened. However, there will also never be one as to how he survived for so long- and of the two mysteries, that is the one I encourage myself to focus on. 

"Not only did it change me because I was blessed to be a mother, but I was blessed to be a mother to a preemie."